The atonement, p.35
The Atonement, page 35
“Once you learn something, you never really lose it. Maybe you should try to do something with that again. I wouldn’t mind being a guinea pig. Me and food are no strangers.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Chris.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re a good guy. I’m glad I know you.”
“Back at you, man.”
Forty-Three
Tim was sitting on his couch in sweatpants and a t-shirt, the only thing he’d ever wear for pajamas aside from the sleeveless t-shirt and boxer shorts he’d don in the summer months. He was getting his briefcase ready for the next day, arranging all of his files and notes in order of priority. Tim was the master of organization when it came to his work, and wished that he had the power to work the same kind of magic on his social life. He hadn’t heard from his sister in days and true to her promise, she hadn’t shown to church last Sunday. His best friend had been camped out at his place for nearly a week and he still didn’t know what happened between Allen and Jim. He had called Jim once to make sure he was okay, but he seemed like he wasn’t in the mood to talk, and Tim wasn’t going to try to press him for information. Once again, their set was falling apart, however, he realized that no matter what, he had to accede authority to the master of it all who could do more than he could.
After fastening the locks on the briefcase, he checked the clock on his living room table and realized that Al would be home soon, so he went into the kitchen and got the other half of the pizza he had ordered for dinner and put it in the oven. After that, he grabbed a Bavarian pretzel from a jar on the counter as a snack. His timing was perfect for just as the aroma from the pizza began to waft through the apartment, he could hear Al unlocking the living room door.
“How was class?” asked Tim shouting from the kitchen.
“Good. Now that I have time to study and get some rest, some of the information from my readings is sticking. I felt like I knew what I was talking about in class today.”
“Glad to know things are working out for you. I’ve got some pizza heating in the oven if you want. It should be hot by now.”
“Thanks. I’m so hungry, I could eat my own foot,” said Allen stopping at the sink to wash his hands before grabbing an oven mitt to retrieve his pizza.
“Lucky for you there’s pepperoni and sausage instead.”
Allen took a seat at the kitchen table with his meal, while Tim sat across from him, bringing another pretzel with him.
“How was work?” asked Allen as he wiped pizza sauce from his mouth with a napkin.
“Fine. Things are starting to slow down there as of late. I’m not taking home much work anymore. Sometimes I just stay an extra hour or so and just get things done rather than bring work home with me.”
“Smart. Still nothing from your sister?”
“Nope.”
“Don’t worry. Things tend to get worse before they get better.”
“One can only hope. Oh, by the way, Callie left a message for you on my voicemail for some reason. She asked me to tell you that she wants to talk to you.”
“That’s interesting.”
“I’ll say. I was wondering why she didn’t just leave the message on your phone.”
Allen just kept eating his pizza without responding.
“I mean she is your girlfriend, after all. Although…I have noticed that you haven’t mentioned her the whole time you’ve been here, and she hasn’t stopped by to see you, either.”
“If you get anymore messages like that, just erase them. Callie and I broke up.”
“I kind of suspected that. When did this happen?”
“Just before you guys came to see me at the hospital.”
“So that’s why you seemed so bummed when we came in. This wouldn’t happen to have something to do with the fall out between you and Jim, would it?”
Allen was silent again.
“C’mon, Al. I gave you some space earlier because I knew that you were still trying to figure things out, but it’s been nearly a week now. What’s going on?”
“I don’t even know where to start. The only person who I feel sorry for in all this is Darius and what he’s going to have to go through. I’d like to be there for him, but I don’t know if that’s going to be possible.”
“Darius? How does he figure in all this?”
“You’ll never guess who Callie hooked up with before Darius was born. No, actually, you will.”
“Jim?”
“Told you.”
“Dude! Are you implying that Jim is Darius’s…”
“I’m not implying anything. He told me himself.”
“Whoah, dude! Are you serious?! Hold on, I think I might need a minute. This information’s blowing me away.”
“Now think about how I must’ve felt.”
“I’m not going to even pretend to know. Sorry, Al. I can’t imagine what could’ve happened to…”
“Neither can I.”
“Are you sure Jim even knew how much you liked her?”
“Trust me, he knew.”
“We all know he was under a lot of emotional stress at that time, and was definitely drinking if he wasn’t using yet. You think maybe he was under the influence when this happened? I’m not saying that excuses his behavior, but it might explain it.”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Only God knows. Not that it matters anyway.”
“Are they going to be a couple now?”
“No. Whatever they had together was just physical.”
“Figures.”
“Now, I’m just trying to move on, and forget about them.”
“Al, I can understand your being upset and all, but I think you should try to work things out with Jim.”
“Believe me, for the past couple of days I’ve thought about that, but Jim’s got a lot of issues that he needs to work out. I used to think that God could use me to help him, but I think I’d just be setting myself up for more pain.”
“Not necessarily. He’s given his life to God and I know he wants to do the right thing. He could have gone down south and kept everything a secret, but he told you the truth.”
“That might have been more like an accident.”
“No, he made a decision, even if it was in the heat of the moment. Besides, this thing happened years ago when you knew neither of you were on good terms. It’s not like he did this yesterday and if what your mom says is true, he is sorry about it.”
“Or sorry his secret’s out.”
“Despite what everything looks like, I can’t believe Jim could be that malicious. He was still grieving over his mom. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own pain that they’re not thinking about the real impact of their actions.”
“It’s called selfishness. I’m not sure if it would be good to have a friend like that.”
“All right, I’ll grant you that. But we’ve all been there. I know I have. I’ve done a lot of stupid, selfish, irresponsible things to you in the past, like the time I left you stranded in the middle of Allentown, Pennsylvania.”
“Yes, I remember, but that wasn’t as bad…”
“It was bad enough. You could have been killed or abducted or something. Yet, the next week back on campus, you forgave me, despite my very lame excuse. As a matter of fact, there were a number of other times you could have written our relationship off, but you didn’t. Why?”
“Because I knew that the real Tim, the good guy that was hiding, would show up eventually.”
“Well, I think the real Jim is about to make a comeback, too. You’ve known him since you were little kids. Friendships like that are rare and definitely worth the effort to save.”
“I always thought if our friendship was so special, stuff like this couldn’t happen.”
“In an ideal world it wouldn’t. But we’re living in a fallen world with imperfect people, and that includes Christian people. You have to forgive Jim. That’s not what I’m saying, that’s what the Bible says.”
“Funny. You’re the last person I would’ve expected to hear this from given that you and Jim were never that close.”
“I’ve always respected him even when we didn’t agree, and I think I can understand what he’s been through. When my grandfather died, I was in an emotional funk for a while, too, and ended up hurting Allyson in the same way he hurt you.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible. Anyway, I thought you didn’t know why she was mad at you.”
“I didn’t – until I came across her old diary about a week or so ago.”
“So…”
“So, you remember when I told you I ran away to California when I was 14?”
“Yeah.”
“She felt that I had abandoned her. Come to think of it, I did abandon her.”
“That’s why she’s so nasty? All because you ran away from home?”
“It’s not that simple, Al. She was a kid. I was the only real family that she had left after Poppa died. Instead of being there for her, I ditched her. I get why she’s so bitter.”
“I don’t. It’s not like you didn’t come back.”
“But I didn’t stay very long before I was off to Boston for boarding school.”
“Have you talked to her about this recently?”
“Yes, and she’s still angry. I thought that once everything was out in the open things would change, but, no deal. Al, you don’t know what I’d give to have my baby sister back.”
“Sorry, man. I wish there was something I could do.”
“There’s not much that any person can do. We have to wait and see what God will do.”
“Makes sense. I think I’ll do the same.”
“Allen…”
“On another note, I heard from Miko that you two are supposed to be having dinner together this weekend. Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right. We were supposed to go last week, but then a certain person got sick and we had to change our plans.”
“Maybe I should get sick again.”
“Relax, Al. It’s not what you think. She just wants to thank me and Riley for helping her with her work from school.”
“Good. I thought I’d have to remind you of the conversation we had when you were staying at my place.”
“You mean when you threatened me to leave Miko alone for yet the second time.”
“I was not threatening, just trying to persuade you to see things logically and to consider all of the possible consequences that could follow if you chose to continue your pursuit.”
“In which you concluded, and let me know if I’m paraphrasing you correctly, that I am an emotional retard who would only mess things up with Tamiko, destroy our friendship, and create rancor and division among our friends.”
“I know it hurts, but I had to keep it real. Your track record in relationships is like the NY Knicks basketball stats. Am I wrong?”
“Okay, I will admit that in the past I was very immature and self-serving. But I’ve outgrown that stuff. I really do want a genuine relationship now.”
“I’ve heard that one before.”
“You’re not going to bring up the whole thing with Mya are you?”
“Well…”
“C’mon! You’re like the fifth person this month that’s brought that up. Is anyone going to let me forget about that? Is there anyone who thinks I can be different?”
“Tim, I know you’re trying, but you need to reflect and think about where you went wrong with that, bro, or you’ll keep making the same mistake.”
“I have. It’s like Daniel said, I should have set some boundaries and expectations. Better still, I should have followed the leading of the Lord and never taken her out in the first place.”
“Yeah, she wasn’t right for you, bro.”
“Tell me about it. Not that I was really that into her anyway.”
“You always say that. C’mon, man. Haven’t you ever met a woman that you felt like she might be the one.”
“Truth be told? Yes, but you just said she’s off limits.”
“Tamiko?!”
“Who else?”
“All this time, and you still haven’t gotten her out of your system?”
“I’ve been trying, Al.”
“So try harder, ‘cause I’m not sure if you two are meant to be. You know she still likes Davis?”
“He doesn’t like her. You heard what he said.”
“Davis is just having some cold feet because of something that happened in a past relationship. Once he gets over it, I think he’ll change his mind.”
“You think it’s fair that she wait around until he does?”
“Tim, I’m telling you. If you go after her now, she’ll probably go out with you because she feels bad about losing Davis. Then when Davis comes out of his funk and opens his heart to her, she’ll go running back to him.”
“And he and Tamiko will get married and live happily ever after.”
“And you, the rebound guy, will be all alone. Don’t waste your time chasing something that wasn’t meant to be. All you’re going to get is a lot of heartache. If you need proof, you can consider me exhibit A.”
“Tamiko’s not like Callie.”
“That’s not the issue. You need to think about finding someone that’s into you. There are lots of other women out there, some that may be even better than Tamiko.”
“Hmmm. Doubtful.”
“C’mon, man. Don’t put that face on. You saying she has you that deep?”
“That’s what it feels like sometimes.”
“You know Dan said: if that’s how you feel then you should be ready to pop the question. You think you’re ready for that?”
“Did you want to marry Callie?”
“Between you and me – we were engaged. I was going to let everyone know on Thanksgiving.”
“No way!”
“No, I was serious. I thought she was the one and I was willing to back it up with a ring. Blood aside, Miko’s my sister, and I think any brother who wants to step to her, better be prepared to do the same. She deserves no less than that. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Absolutely.”
Forty-Four
It had been a while since Davis had called on Tamiko privately, and he wished he had a more positive reason for coming, especially with the way things had been going between them as of late. But there was no use in delaying things. He’d had his space and he’d made his decision and it wouldn’t be fair to keep Tamiko in the dark any longer.
After knocking on the door, he stood and waited, his heart racing as he tried to prepare himself. It never really worked. Just like when he met with his old girlfriend, Janice, the other day and she slapped him with a litany of insults before letting him know she never wanted to see him again. At least Stephanie was kind and forgiving. The rejection never ceased to hurt, but he knew that he deserved it, and had to endure it. There was probably going to be some rejection in store for him here, but he had to man-up and go through.
“Who is it?!” asked a very stern voice that was definitely not Tamiko’s.
“It’s Davis Martinez, ma’am. I was wondering if I could talk to Tamiko for a few minutes.”
“What is it that you want?”
“It’s something personal, ma’am.”
“Personal! Did you hear that Pastor Bynum? Too personal for us to know about in our own house?!”
“Mother, why don’t you just open the door instead of making the boy stand out there all night,” said Pastor Bynum from within.
“I’m not opening my door at night for these strange men I don’t know who have personal issues. Tamiko’s got this place like 42nd Street in the 80’s. This is going to have to stop!”
All of a sudden, the door opened and Davis was greeted by the warm smile of Pastor Bynum.
“Hello, Davis. How are you tonight?”
“I’m fine, sir. I hope I’m not causing you any trouble or nothin’ like that. I know it’s a little late.”
“Not at all. It’s only 6:30. Come in and have a seat.”
“Actually, I’m not planning to stay long. I was wondering if I could talk to Tamiko for a minute in private.”
“What for?”
“Rose, please” he said to his wife before turning back to Davis. “Is everything okay, son?”
“Yeah - I mean - yes. It’s just that we had talked about something a little while ago and I just wanted to…”
“Davis? I thought I heard your voice. What are you doing here?” asked Tamiko as she glided down the stairs. She was wearing a pink cotton dobby peter pan collared short-sleeved shirt and a grey pencil skirt. Even with her hair in a messy ponytail, she still looked pretty. It made his task even harder.
“I just wanted to talk to you about something. It’s kinda personal.”
“Alright. Let me get my coat. We’ll go outside.”
“If she’s not back in five minutes. I’m calling the police.”
“Nah, fa real, Mrs. Bynum, Pastor, I don’t want to do nothin’ to her. I can talk to her right here, but…maybe I should just go home and call you.”
“No, that won’t be necessary, son. Mother Bynum and I will go upstairs. You two can talk down here”
“Pastor!”
“Let’s go, Rose,” said the Pastor as he escorted her away leaving Davis and Tamiko by themselves.
“That’s all they better be doing is talking,” said Mother Rose as she made her way up the stairs.
Tamiko rolled her eyes and sighed before she addressed Davis.
“So…can I take your coat?”
“I’m not staying long.”
“Oh. Can’t we at least sit down?”
“Aiight.”
They both took seats on the couch and faced each other.
“What’s on your mind?”
“I know that a little while ago, I said that we needed to put some space between us so we could think about things.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“First off, I really appreciate you hearing me, and giving me time so I could figure things out.”
“Of course.”
“During that time, I had to come to terms with a lot of things - a lot of stuff from past relationships that I had to deal with - and a lot of stuff about myself, too.”
